Most of us walk around absolutely convinced we know who we are, what we think, what we believe, what we stand for.

Ask someone, “Why do you believe that?”

And nine times out of ten the answer is… silence. Or a shrug. Or some version of, “I’ve always thought that.”

Have you though?

Or were you handed it at some point and just kept carrying it like an old bag you never checked the contents of?

We inherit far more than eye colour and dodgy knees. We inherit opinions, fears, expectations, rules, limitations, and quiet little stories about how life works and who we’re allowed to be in it.

Parents. School. Religion. Culture. Old relationships. Past hurts. Society. Social media. The bloke down the pub who speaks loudly and confidently so must be right.

Before you know it, your head is full of borrowed furniture. None of it matches. Half of it’s broken. And you’re still tripping over it daily wondering why life feels cramped and uncomfortable.

Here’s the uncomfortable truth:

A lot of what you call your beliefs aren’t actually yours at all.

They’re inherited assumptions you never consciously chose.

Things like:

“I’m not good enough.” “People can’t be trusted.” “Money’s hard to come by.” “I have to please everyone.” “If I fail, I’m a failure.” “I should be further on by now.” “People like me don’t get nice things.”

None of these arrive with proof. They arrive with repetition.

You hear them often enough, feel them strongly enough, experience something that seems to confirm them… and the brain goes, Right then. That’s settled.

Except it isn’t settled. It’s just familiar.

And familiar feels safe, even when it’s making you miserable.

The mind loves certainty more than happiness. If a belief explains the world, even badly, it will cling to it like a comfort blanket. Because at least it knows what to expect.

The problem is, beliefs quietly shape your behaviour.

Your choices.

Your confidence.

Your relationships.

Your standards.

Your courage.

Your sense of what’s possible.

You don’t rise to what you want.

You fall to what you believe.

If you believe you’re small, you’ll play small.

If you believe love is unsafe, you’ll keep people at arm’s length.

If you believe you always mess things up, you’ll sabotage anything good before it has a chance.

Not because you’re broken.

But because your internal story is running the show.

And most people never stop to question it.

Here’s a simple but powerful question I often use with clients:

“Who taught you that?”

Not in a blaming way. Just curious.

Where did that belief come from?

Who planted that seed?

What moment made that feel true?

Once you trace it back, something interesting happens. You start to realise you’re living your adult life through rules written by younger versions of you, or by people who were doing the best they could with their own mess.

And suddenly you get a choice.

You don’t have to keep every belief just because it’s been there a long time.

You’re allowed to upgrade your thinking like you’d upgrade an old phone that barely holds a charge anymore.

You’re allowed to decide:

What actually feels true for me now? What helps me grow rather than shrink? What kind of person do I want to become? What story would support that version of me?

Beliefs aren’t facts.

They’re interpretations.

And interpretations can change.

This isn’t about pretending everything’s perfect or slapping positivity over real life. It’s about honesty. Awareness. Responsibility. Choosing what you feed your mind instead of letting it run on autopilot.

Because when you start consciously shaping your beliefs, you start shaping your future.

Not magically.

Not overnight.

But steadily. Powerfully. Authentically.

So maybe today’s reflection is this:

Are your beliefs actually yours…

Or are you still living inside someone else’s thinking?

And if you could rewrite a few of them, just a few, what might change?

Food for thought.

Benney the Coach