There’s a part of you that’s always talking. Always trying to prove something. Always comparing, competing, defending, or needing to be right. You might know it as your ego. And if you’ve ever found yourself arguing in your head with someone who isn’t even in the room, then congratulations, you’ve met it.

The ego isn’t evil. It’s not some demon inside you. It’s just misunderstood. It’s your survival mechanism dressed up as your personality. And for a long time, I hated mine. I thought the goal was to destroy it, silence it, rise above it like some enlightened monk floating off into the clouds. But here’s what I’ve learned: you don’t conquer the ego. You make peace with it.

Let’s rewind a bit.

The ego developed when you were young. You needed it. It helped you find your place, get attention, protect yourself from embarrassment or rejection. It told you stories like “I’m not good enough unless I achieve this” or “I’m only lovable if people approve of me.” And those stories stuck. They became your identity.

But identity is a funny thing, it’s both a costume and a cage. And as you grow, the things that once protected you can start to suffocate you.

The ego wants control. It wants certainty. It wants to feel important. So it’ll panic when life doesn’t go to plan. It’ll flare up in arguments. It’ll make you chase validation. It’ll tell you that if someone doesn’t like you, it’s a personal attack. It’ll whisper that you’re not enough unless you’re winning.

And when that voice takes the wheel, you start living reactively instead of consciously. You make decisions out of fear. You keep score in relationships. You defend when you should listen. You perform instead of connect.

So, how do you make peace with it?

First, notice it. Awareness is everything. Start to observe the ego like a separate character in your story. Give it a name if it helps. Mine’s called Barry. Barry’s loud, insecure, a bit dramatic, but I’ve grown quite fond of him. When he pipes up “They didn’t text back, they must be ignoring you” I smile and say, “Cheers Barry, but I’m alright.”

Second, thank it. Yes, thank it. Because your ego was trying to protect you all along. It just didn’t realise you’ve grown now. You’re not that little kid anymore. You don’t need to be liked by everyone. You don’t need to win every argument. You don’t need to be seen as perfect to be enough. The ego doesn’t get that, but you do.

Third, lead with love. When the ego wants to react, pause. Take a breath. Ask: “Am I responding from love, or defending from fear?” That single question will change your life. Because real power is quiet. It doesn’t shout. It doesn’t need to win. It just is.

Making peace with your ego isn’t about being passive. It’s about being conscious. It’s choosing not to be dragged into every battle. It’s understanding that someone else’s opinion of you is none of your business. It’s being okay with not proving your worth every five minutes. It’s dropping the mask and trusting you’re enough, even when you’re not performing.

Some days, Barry still kicks off. He gets jealous. He wants recognition. He panics if things feel uncertain. But I don’t shame him anymore. I just notice him, breathe, and bring myself back to peace.

Because peace isn’t about silence. It’s about knowing which voice to follow.

And the voice of your soul? That one’s quiet. Still. Steady. It whispers, You’re already enough. You don’t need to prove a thing.

Let the ego be part of you, but don’t let it run the show. Be the driver. Be the calm in the storm. Be the one who hears the noise… but chooses peace anyway.

And remember,

Keep smiling.

Benney the Coach