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Are You Living a Spiritual Life… or Just Skating on the Edges?

It’s easy to feel spiritual when life is calm.

When the house is quiet, the candles are burning, and nobody’s annoying you, you can float around like a monk on a bank holiday.

But real spirituality shows itself when life Kicks off.

When you’re tested.

When someone’s pushing every button you’ve got.

When you feel yourself slipping into jealousy, comparison, negativity, or that old story of “I’m not good enough.”

That’s the moment you find out whether you’ve built a connection…

or just a bubble.

Because when things get tough, your faith gets loud.

Do you trust the path you’re on, or do you crumble the second someone else throws their chaos at you?

It’s simple:

You’ve got to believe to receive.

If you believe things are going to go wrong… they usually do.

Not because you’re cursed, but because your energy follows your belief.

You’ve probably asked yourself why certain people, especially the ones who are selfish, manipulative, or downright rude, seem to get away with everything.

Why do they breeze through life while good people struggle?

It’s not because they’re blessed.

It’s not because the universe favours the bold and punishes the kind.

It’s because they believe, without question, that they deserve everything they reach for.

Good or bad, their belief is rock solid.

They don’t doubt.

They don’t hesitate.

They don’t second-guess themselves or ask for permission to want something.

And meanwhile, good people, the ones with heart, the ones trying to do life the right way, crumble the minute someone criticises them, blames them, or throws emotional chaos in their direction.

But here’s the part we forget:

Our reaction is the power we hold.

We can’t control other people’s behaviour and energy, but we can control whether we let their them shape our faith.

Because if someone is trying to twist things, blame you, guilt-trip you, or make you feel uncertain about your own path, that’s their energy.

But the moment you panic, the moment you start doubting your purpose because of a temporary setback… that’s when your own belief starts cracking.

And that’s where negativity sneaks in.

Not because you’re weak, but because you’re human.

So here’s the simple truth hidden underneath all of this:

Spirituality isn’t about never being shaken.

It’s about knowing how to steady yourself when life tries to knock you off your feet.

When something goes wrong, instead of spiralling into “Why me?”

Try this:

Pause.

Breathe.

Spot the problem.

Then look for the next step, not the next fear.

That’s all spirituality really is, choosing a response that aligns with who you want to be, not who the world tries to turn you into.

You don’t have to be perfect.

You don’t have to be unshakeable.

You don’t have to live in bliss on a mountaintop.

You just need to believe in yourself the way those “bad people” believe in their nonsense, but do it with heart.

With kindness.

With intention.

Believe you can make a difference.

Because the energy you put out is the energy you meet again.

And when you choose belief, real belief, you don’t just skate on the edges of spirituality.

You live it.

You breathe it.

You walk it.

And life responds to that.

Every. Single. Time.

Have an amazing day, everyone and remember, keep smiling

Benney the Coacrh 

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The Sacred Journey

The Sacred Journey – a new monthly gathering of open-hearted men and women, united in a shared spirit of learning, connection, and growth. We welcome all faiths and paths, embracing spirituality in its many forms. This is a non-judgemental space where respect for one another is paramount, and where we explore life’s deeper questions side by side, sharing wisdom and walking the path together.

Sacred Journey
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The future can wait, You can’t.

Last night while I was walking into town, this phrase suddenly popped into my head. I wasn’t even thinking about anything in particular, just letting my mind wander. And suddenly, it landed.

The future can wait. You can’t.

It stuck with me.

We’re always aiming for “someday”, when life’s a bit calmer, when we’re more confident, more sorted, more “something.” But the thing is… you’re already here. And that’s where the real power is.

The version of you that matters isn’t waiting in the future. It’s the one reading this right now. The one who’s trying, the one ho’s growing, and the one who’s still standing after everything.

We talk a lot about creating our future, and I believe in that fully, but it all starts with how you speak to yourself today, how you treat yourself today, and what you choose today. That’s how the future takes shape. Not by rushing ahead, but by showing up now.

Being present doesn’t mean standing still, it means getting honest. It means realising you don’t have to fix everything before you’re allowed to feel good. It means taking care of yourself like you matter… because you do.

You don’t need permission. You don’t need to wait for a sign. You are the sign.

So breathe. Check in with yourself. Laugh at something stupid. Do that one thing you’ve been putting off. Give yourself credit for making it this far.

The future can wait.

You? You’re ready Now.

Have a most amazing day everyone, and remember, keep smiling.

Benney the Coach

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Growth Begins Where Excuses End

One of the hardest things you’ll ever do is look in the mirror and say, “That one was on me.”

No excuses.

No blaming.

No pointing fingers.

Just you. Owning it.

We’re not always taught how to do that.

We grow up learning how to defend ourselves, how to explain things away, how to justify our choices.

“It’s because of how I was raised.”

“It’s just the way I am.”

“They made me react like that.”

“I was stressed. Tired. Angry. Triggered.”

And maybe all that’s true.

Maybe you were pushed, provoked, misled, or left feeling like you had no other choice.

But there comes a point where none of that matters as much as what you choose to do next.

You’re not responsible for the things that were done to you.

But you are responsible for what you do with them.

And that’s where growth lives.

Not in being perfect, but in being accountable.

I’ve had to do this myself. More than once.

I’ve said things I wish I hadn’t. Hurt people. Reacted out of fear or pride or pain.

But every time I’ve faced it head-on, owned it, and made it right, I’ve grown.

And the relationships that were strong enough to handle that honesty? They’ve grown too.

Because taking responsibility doesn’t make you weak.

It makes you free.

What does it look like?

It looks like saying:

“I overreacted, and I’m sorry.”

“I didn’t show up the way I should have.”

“That was a choice I made, and I need to make it right.”

“I can see how I hurt you, and I’m willing to change.”

It’s about recognising the pattern before it becomes your personality.

It’s about choosing growth over pride.

It’s about being more committed to doing better than being right.

That’s what real maturity looks like.

Now, let me be clear, this isn’t about beating yourself up.

This isn’t about living in guilt.

This is about being brave enough to say, “I can do better than that.”

And then actually doing it.

No one gets it right all the time.

We all lash out. Fall short. Act on old wounds.

But the moment you stop blaming everyone else, you take back your power.

Because when it’s everyone else’s fault, you’re stuck.

But when you say, “Right, I played a part in that…”

That’s when things start to shift.

That’s when you get to grow up.

Heal.

Learn.

Do things differently.

You don’t need to be ashamed of your mistakes.

You just need to take responsibility for them.

It’s not about being flawless.

It’s about being real, and doing your best to be better.

Own your shit.

Or it’ll own you.

And remember,

keep smiling

Benney the Coach

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Say It, Before You Regret It

We’ve all done it.

Felt something, wanted something, needed something…

But didn’t say it.

We hold back.

We assume they should know.

We overthink.

We tell ourselves it’s not the right time.

We don’t want to be too much, too needy, too honest, too vulnerable.

So we swallow it.

And then we lie awake wondering why no one sees us properly.

Why we feel misunderstood.

Why things never quite feel whole.

Let me tell you something that took me a long time to learn:

If you want to be seen, you have to speak.

If you love someone, you’ve got to show it.

If you need something, you’ve got to ask for it.

It doesn’t mean begging.

It doesn’t mean losing your dignity.

It means being brave enough to back yourself emotionally.

Because here’s what happens when you don’t…

You build resentment.

You build distance.

You build a story in your head that no one cares, when really, you just never gave them the chance to show up.

And I get it. I really do.

We grow up in a world where emotions are labelled as weakness.

Where asking for love is seen as needy.

Where people play it cool instead of playing it real.

But I’m telling you now, cool doesn’t build connection.

Honesty does.

And yes, it’s vulnerable.

Yes, it might be scary.

But the alternative?

Is silence. Missed chances. Unsaid things that echo for years.

You don’t have to make a big speech.

You don’t need to write poetry or pour your heart out if that’s not your style.

But say something.

Say, “I care about you.”

Say, “I’d love to spend more time with you.”

Say, “That upset me.”

Say, “I need a bit more from you.”

Say, “I’m struggling.”

Say, “I miss you.”

Because when you start speaking your truth, everything changes.

You stop guessing.

You stop hoping people will read your mind.

You stop playing emotional charades.

And you start building something real.

You might not always get the answer you want.

But at least you’ll know.

And there’s real peace in knowing, because it means you’ve stopped hiding your heart.

You’re not too much.

You’re not too emotional.

You’re human.

And life’s too short to spend it in silence.

So speak.

Ask.

Express.

Be the one brave enough to feel something and say something.

It just might change everything.

And remember,

keep smiling

Benney the Coach 

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Being Your Authentic Self – Even When It’s Inconvenient

It’s been a while, I know. And just like a bus, all my ideas came at once. I’ve missed you lot, so I decided to take a little break from writing my new book It’s Okay to Be a Boy and get back to basics, writing my blog.

Today I want to talk about something that’s been coming up quite a lot lately during coaching sessions, in conversations, and in real life, and that’s…

Being your authentic self – even when it’s inconvenient.

Now I’m not here to preach. I’m not perfect. I’m just a bloke who’s lived through a few storms and made a promise to himself to help others weather theirs. And if I’ve learned anything over the years, it’s that being yourself, truly yourself, isn’t as simple as it sounds.

Before I ever became a coach, I was wearing masks. Not just one, loads of them.

There was the funny one, the charming one, the “I’m fine” one, the one that kept the peace, the one that kept people happy, even if I wasn’t.

And here’s the thing: sometimes those masks serve a purpose.

They help you get through difficult situations. They protect you in moments when showing your real self doesn’t feel safe.

But the problem is, we forget to take them off.

We start living in them.

And over time, we lose track of who we actually are underneath.

That’s where I found myself.

Performing off-stage as much as on. Playing roles for people who didn’t even know the real me. Smiling when I wanted to cry. Agreeing when I wanted to scream.

And bit by bit, it wore me down.

That’s why I became a coach. Not because I had all the answers, but because I needed answers myself. I needed to figure out how to live in a way that felt honest. And once I started doing that, I wanted to help others do the same.

But I’m still human. I’ve still got flaws. I still mess up. The difference now? I’m willing to look at those flaws. To either accept them, or work on them.

Because here’s the truth I’ve come to believe:

We don’t need to be perfect.

We just need to be honest.

Honest with ourselves. Honest with how we’re feeling. Honest about what’s working and what’s not.

The world doesn’t need more perfect people, it needs more real ones.

And I believe that your true self, the one underneath the masks, underneath the coping, underneath the survival mode, is good.

It’s strong. It’s kind. It’s enough.

But survival mode? That’s where a lot of us live.

We’re in constant fight or flight. We brace for drama. We expect conflict.

We operate like we’re under threat, even when we’re just trying to have a conversation.

And that way of living? It burns us out. It poisons our relationships. And it keeps us disconnected from who we actually are.

Why is it so difficult?

Because being real means being seen. And being seen is vulnerable.

It’s no longer about how well you can act, it’s about how brave you can be when the script falls away.

But let’s get something clear while we’re at it, because this bit matters.

Being your authentic self isn’t about being rude.

It’s not about slapping on a label, choosing a tribe, and shutting everyone else out.

It’s not about belittling others, shouting your opinions louder than theirs, or expecting the world to accept everything about you while you refuse to accept anything about them.

That’s not authenticity, that’s ego in disguise.

Being your authentic self is about showing up honestly, yes, but with kindness, openness, and respect.

It’s about accepting that we’re not all the same, and celebrating those differences as long as they’re rooted in love, not harm.

If you think your “truth” gives you permission to tear people down, mock others, or live bitter and angry, then you’re not being honest with yourself. You’re defending a wound

Because hate, resentment, cruelty, none of that is who we truly are. That’s survival mode. That’s pain in a mask.

And the work… is learning to take that mask off too.

Underneath all that noise is someone good. Someone kind.

Someone who just wants to be seen, heard, and understood, like we all do.

Being your authentic self means giving yourself permission to grow.

To heal.

To change your mind.

To accept your flaws without making them your identity.

It means learning to live with a bit more heart.

To listen better.

To love deeper.

To speak honestly, but gently.

And to let others do the same.

That’s where real connection lives. That’s where peace begins.

Not in being “right”, but in being real.

And I promise you, that version of you?

That’s the one the world’s been waiting for

So what can you do?

1. Catch yourself in the act.

If you notice you’re performing, nodding along, faking a smile,or getting angry or anxious, just pause and Ask, “Is this me, or is this a mask?”

2. Start where you are.

You don’t need to strip everything away at once. One honest choice a day is enough to begin,

3. Let go of needing everyone to be okay with it.

Your truth isn’t up for debate. You don’t need permission to be real, it’s your choice. 

4. Remind yourself that discomfort doesn’t mean danger.

If you’ve lived in fight or flight, peace can feel strange at first. That’s okay. Sit with it, enjoy the moment. 

5. Keep choosing the real you.

Flaws and all. Scars and all. That’s the version that will bring you peace. Once you’re truly honest with yourself, you can start being honest with everyone else. 

Being your authentic self won’t always feel easy.

It won’t always feel comfortable.

But it will feel true.

And the truth will set you free, even if it makes a mess first.

So if you’re tired of acting, take a breath.

Let the mask slip.

Let yourself be seen.

Be the real one.

And remember,

keep smiling

Benney the Coach

By Benney the Coach

It’s been a while, I know. And just like a bus, all my ideas came at once. I’ve missed you lot, so I decided to take a little break from writing my new book It’s Okay to Be a Boy and get back to basics, writing my blog.

Today I want to talk about something that’s been coming up quite a lot lately during coaching sessions, in conversations, and in real life, and that’s…

Being your authentic self – even when it’s inconvenient.

Now I’m not here to preach. I’m not perfect. I’m just a bloke who’s lived through a few storms and made a promise to himself to help others weather theirs. And if I’ve learned anything over the years, it’s that being yourself, truly yourself, isn’t as simple as it sounds.

Before I ever became a coach, I was wearing masks. Not just one, loads of them.

There was the funny one, the charming one, the “I’m fine” one, the one that kept the peace, the one that kept people happy, even if I wasn’t.

And here’s the thing: sometimes those masks serve a purpose.

They help you get through difficult situations. They protect you in moments when showing your real self doesn’t feel safe.

But the problem is, we forget to take them off.

We start living in them.

And over time, we lose track of who we actually are underneath.

That’s where I found myself.

Performing off-stage as much as on. Playing roles for people who didn’t even know the real me. Smiling when I wanted to cry. Agreeing when I wanted to scream.

And bit by bit, it wore me down.

That’s why I became a coach. Not because I had all the answers, but because I needed answers myself. I needed to figure out how to live in a way that felt honest. And once I started doing that, I wanted to help others do the same.

But I’m still human. I’ve still got flaws. I still mess up. The difference now? I’m willing to look at those flaws. To either accept them, or work on them.

Because here’s the truth I’ve come to believe:

We don’t need to be perfect.

We just need to be honest.

Honest with ourselves. Honest with how we’re feeling. Honest about what’s working and what’s not.

The world doesn’t need more perfect people, it needs more real ones.

And I believe that your true self, the one underneath the masks, underneath the coping, underneath the survival mode, is good.

It’s strong. It’s kind. It’s enough.

But survival mode? That’s where a lot of us live.

We’re in constant fight or flight. We brace for drama. We expect conflict.

We operate like we’re under threat, even when we’re just trying to have a conversation.

And that way of living? It burns us out. It poisons our relationships. And it keeps us disconnected from who we actually are.

Why is it so difficult?

Because being real means being seen. And being seen is vulnerable.

It’s no longer about how well you can act, it’s about how brave you can be when the script falls away.

But let’s get something clear while we’re at it, because this bit matters.

Being your authentic self isn’t about being rude.

It’s not about slapping on a label, choosing a tribe, and shutting everyone else out.

It’s not about belittling others, shouting your opinions louder than theirs, or expecting the world to accept everything about you while you refuse to accept anything about them.

That’s not authenticity, that’s ego in disguise.

Being your authentic self is about showing up honestly, yes, but with kindness, openness, and respect.

It’s about accepting that we’re not all the same, and celebrating those differences as long as they’re rooted in love, not harm.

If you think your “truth” gives you permission to tear people down, mock others, or live bitter and angry, then you’re not being honest with yourself. You’re defending a wound

Because hate, resentment, cruelty, none of that is who we truly are. That’s survival mode. That’s pain in a mask.

And the work… is learning to take that mask off too.

Underneath all that noise is someone good. Someone kind.

Someone who just wants to be seen, heard, and understood, like we all do.

Being your authentic self means giving yourself permission to grow.

To heal.

To change your mind.

To accept your flaws without making them your identity.

It means learning to live with a bit more heart.

To listen better.

To love deeper.

To speak honestly, but gently.

And to let others do the same.

That’s where real connection lives. That’s where peace begins.

Not in being “right”, but in being real.

And I promise you, that version of you?

That’s the one the world’s been waiting for

So what can you do?

1. Catch yourself in the act.

If you notice you’re performing, nodding along, faking a smile,or getting angry or anxious, just pause and Ask, “Is this me, or is this a mask?”

2. Start where you are.

You don’t need to strip everything away at once. One honest choice a day is enough to begin,

3. Let go of needing everyone to be okay with it.

Your truth isn’t up for debate. You don’t need permission to be real, it’s your choice. 

4. Remind yourself that discomfort doesn’t mean danger.

If you’ve lived in fight or flight, peace can feel strange at first. That’s okay. Sit with it, enjoy the moment. 

5. Keep choosing the real you.

Flaws and all. Scars and all. That’s the version that will bring you peace. Once you’re truly honest with yourself, you can start being honest with everyone else. 

Being your authentic self won’t always feel easy.

It won’t always feel comfortable.

But it will feel true.

And the truth will set you free, even if it makes a mess first.

So if you’re tired of acting, take a breath.

Let the mask slip.

Let yourself be seen.

Be the real one.

And remember,

keep smiling

Benney the Coach

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Trust That Twinge – Your Intuition Isn’t Being Dramatic

You ever get that feeling?

That tight little knot in your stomach. That subtle shift in the energy when someone’s talking to you but not really saying anything. That vibe that whispers, “Something’s off.”

Yeah. That’s your intuition.

It’s not paranoia. It’s not overthinking. It’s your inner sat-nav quietly flashing “Rerouting…” while you pretend you didn’t hear it.

We’ve all been there, someone’s acting a bit weird, their story doesn’t quite add up, or there’s this weird tension in the air that no one’s naming. And on the surface, they’re saying all the right things. Smiling. Laughing. Playing nice. But your body? It’s picking up something your mind hasn’t caught yet.

That’s because your body is honest.

Your gut doesn’t lie.

Your intuition clocked the shift before your brain had time to file it under “probably nothing.”

Let’s be real, people don’t always tell the truth.

Sometimes they dodge.

They bend the facts.

They “forget” to mention something they should’ve told you.

And while it might not be a full-blown betrayal, it’s enough to make you feel like the room’s gone slightly colder.

Now here’s the kicker: you feel it.

You don’t always know it, but you feel it.

And that’s important.

You’re not being overdramatic when you get that gut feeling. You’re not being nosy or difficult or too sensitive. You’re tuned in.

And tuning in is what protects you.

You don’t need to have evidence.

You don’t need to have receipts.

Sometimes you just know.

And honestly? That’s enough.

Now, I’m not saying go full detective and interrogate everyone who gives you a funny feeling. But I am saying, pay attention. Sit with that feeling. Let it breathe. Because ignoring it is usually where we go wrong.

The amount of times I’ve looked back and thought, “Damn it, I knew it. I felt it and I ignored it,”, I’ve lost count.

But when I’ve listened to that twinge, that quiet nudge from inside me, I’ve dodged some real bullets.

Your intuition is a gift. It’s your inner truth-o-meter. It might not shout, but it always knows.

So when something feels off, it probably is.

And when someone’s not telling you everything, they’re not.

You don’t need to make excuses for them.

You don’t need to gaslight yourself into silence.

You’re allowed to trust yourself.

Because the truth has a funny way of knocking.

And when it does, it usually starts with a whisper inside you.

So listen up.

And remember,

keep smiling.

Benney the Coach

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Making Peace With Your Ego

There’s a part of you that’s always talking. Always trying to prove something. Always comparing, competing, defending, or needing to be right. You might know it as your ego. And if you’ve ever found yourself arguing in your head with someone who isn’t even in the room, then congratulations, you’ve met it.

The ego isn’t evil. It’s not some demon inside you. It’s just misunderstood. It’s your survival mechanism dressed up as your personality. And for a long time, I hated mine. I thought the goal was to destroy it, silence it, rise above it like some enlightened monk floating off into the clouds. But here’s what I’ve learned: you don’t conquer the ego. You make peace with it.

Let’s rewind a bit.

The ego developed when you were young. You needed it. It helped you find your place, get attention, protect yourself from embarrassment or rejection. It told you stories like “I’m not good enough unless I achieve this” or “I’m only lovable if people approve of me.” And those stories stuck. They became your identity.

But identity is a funny thing, it’s both a costume and a cage. And as you grow, the things that once protected you can start to suffocate you.

The ego wants control. It wants certainty. It wants to feel important. So it’ll panic when life doesn’t go to plan. It’ll flare up in arguments. It’ll make you chase validation. It’ll tell you that if someone doesn’t like you, it’s a personal attack. It’ll whisper that you’re not enough unless you’re winning.

And when that voice takes the wheel, you start living reactively instead of consciously. You make decisions out of fear. You keep score in relationships. You defend when you should listen. You perform instead of connect.

So, how do you make peace with it?

First, notice it. Awareness is everything. Start to observe the ego like a separate character in your story. Give it a name if it helps. Mine’s called Barry. Barry’s loud, insecure, a bit dramatic, but I’ve grown quite fond of him. When he pipes up “They didn’t text back, they must be ignoring you” I smile and say, “Cheers Barry, but I’m alright.”

Second, thank it. Yes, thank it. Because your ego was trying to protect you all along. It just didn’t realise you’ve grown now. You’re not that little kid anymore. You don’t need to be liked by everyone. You don’t need to win every argument. You don’t need to be seen as perfect to be enough. The ego doesn’t get that, but you do.

Third, lead with love. When the ego wants to react, pause. Take a breath. Ask: “Am I responding from love, or defending from fear?” That single question will change your life. Because real power is quiet. It doesn’t shout. It doesn’t need to win. It just is.

Making peace with your ego isn’t about being passive. It’s about being conscious. It’s choosing not to be dragged into every battle. It’s understanding that someone else’s opinion of you is none of your business. It’s being okay with not proving your worth every five minutes. It’s dropping the mask and trusting you’re enough, even when you’re not performing.

Some days, Barry still kicks off. He gets jealous. He wants recognition. He panics if things feel uncertain. But I don’t shame him anymore. I just notice him, breathe, and bring myself back to peace.

Because peace isn’t about silence. It’s about knowing which voice to follow.

And the voice of your soul? That one’s quiet. Still. Steady. It whispers, You’re already enough. You don’t need to prove a thing.

Let the ego be part of you, but don’t let it run the show. Be the driver. Be the calm in the storm. Be the one who hears the noise… but chooses peace anyway.

And remember,

Keep smiling.

Benney the Coach

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You’re Not Broken, You’re Becoming

Some days, it feels like the world’s cracked you in half and just left you there, holding the pieces, wondering what the hell you’re supposed to do now. You stare at your phone, avoid eye contact in the mirror, maybe even lose count of the coffees (or beers) you’ve poured just to make it through the hours.

But let me say this clearly: you’re not broken.

You’re becoming.

See, nobody gets through life without their fair share of bruises. Some people just get better at hiding them behind filters and nice quotes. The rest of us? We’re in the trenches, doing the work, messing up, getting back up, sometimes crawling more than walking.

And that’s okay.

Real growth doesn’t happen in perfect conditions. It happens when everything falls apart and you’re left with two options: crumble… or change. And change is scary. But it’s also sacred.

You don’t need to be fixed, because you were never broken in the first place. You were just buried under expectations, mistakes, trauma, fear, and everyone else’s idea of who you should be.

Start unlearning that crap.

Let go of the story that says you’re too damaged, too late, too lost. You’re not. You’re unfolding. You’re remembering who you really are underneath all the noise.

So, if today feels hard, keep going. If you’re crying in the shower, you’re not alone. If you’re laughing one minute and doubting yourself the next, welcome to the human club.

And trust me, you’re doing better than you think.

Let’s keep walking this thing together.

And remember… keep smiling.

Benney the Coach