It’s been a while, I know. And just like a bus, all my ideas came at once. I’ve missed you lot, so I decided to take a little break from writing my new book It’s Okay to Be a Boy and get back to basics, writing my blog.

Today I want to talk about something that’s been coming up quite a lot lately during coaching sessions, in conversations, and in real life, and that’s…

Being your authentic self – even when it’s inconvenient.

Now I’m not here to preach. I’m not perfect. I’m just a bloke who’s lived through a few storms and made a promise to himself to help others weather theirs. And if I’ve learned anything over the years, it’s that being yourself, truly yourself, isn’t as simple as it sounds.

Before I ever became a coach, I was wearing masks. Not just one, loads of them.

There was the funny one, the charming one, the “I’m fine” one, the one that kept the peace, the one that kept people happy, even if I wasn’t.

And here’s the thing: sometimes those masks serve a purpose.

They help you get through difficult situations. They protect you in moments when showing your real self doesn’t feel safe.

But the problem is, we forget to take them off.

We start living in them.

And over time, we lose track of who we actually are underneath.

That’s where I found myself.

Performing off-stage as much as on. Playing roles for people who didn’t even know the real me. Smiling when I wanted to cry. Agreeing when I wanted to scream.

And bit by bit, it wore me down.

That’s why I became a coach. Not because I had all the answers, but because I needed answers myself. I needed to figure out how to live in a way that felt honest. And once I started doing that, I wanted to help others do the same.

But I’m still human. I’ve still got flaws. I still mess up. The difference now? I’m willing to look at those flaws. To either accept them, or work on them.

Because here’s the truth I’ve come to believe:

We don’t need to be perfect.

We just need to be honest.

Honest with ourselves. Honest with how we’re feeling. Honest about what’s working and what’s not.

The world doesn’t need more perfect people, it needs more real ones.

And I believe that your true self, the one underneath the masks, underneath the coping, underneath the survival mode, is good.

It’s strong. It’s kind. It’s enough.

But survival mode? That’s where a lot of us live.

We’re in constant fight or flight. We brace for drama. We expect conflict.

We operate like we’re under threat, even when we’re just trying to have a conversation.

And that way of living? It burns us out. It poisons our relationships. And it keeps us disconnected from who we actually are.

Why is it so difficult?

Because being real means being seen. And being seen is vulnerable.

It’s no longer about how well you can act, it’s about how brave you can be when the script falls away.

But let’s get something clear while we’re at it, because this bit matters.

Being your authentic self isn’t about being rude.

It’s not about slapping on a label, choosing a tribe, and shutting everyone else out.

It’s not about belittling others, shouting your opinions louder than theirs, or expecting the world to accept everything about you while you refuse to accept anything about them.

That’s not authenticity, that’s ego in disguise.

Being your authentic self is about showing up honestly, yes, but with kindness, openness, and respect.

It’s about accepting that we’re not all the same, and celebrating those differences as long as they’re rooted in love, not harm.

If you think your “truth” gives you permission to tear people down, mock others, or live bitter and angry, then you’re not being honest with yourself. You’re defending a wound

Because hate, resentment, cruelty, none of that is who we truly are. That’s survival mode. That’s pain in a mask.

And the work… is learning to take that mask off too.

Underneath all that noise is someone good. Someone kind.

Someone who just wants to be seen, heard, and understood, like we all do.

Being your authentic self means giving yourself permission to grow.

To heal.

To change your mind.

To accept your flaws without making them your identity.

It means learning to live with a bit more heart.

To listen better.

To love deeper.

To speak honestly, but gently.

And to let others do the same.

That’s where real connection lives. That’s where peace begins.

Not in being “right”, but in being real.

And I promise you, that version of you?

That’s the one the world’s been waiting for

So what can you do?

1. Catch yourself in the act.

If you notice you’re performing, nodding along, faking a smile,or getting angry or anxious, just pause and Ask, “Is this me, or is this a mask?”

2. Start where you are.

You don’t need to strip everything away at once. One honest choice a day is enough to begin,

3. Let go of needing everyone to be okay with it.

Your truth isn’t up for debate. You don’t need permission to be real, it’s your choice. 

4. Remind yourself that discomfort doesn’t mean danger.

If you’ve lived in fight or flight, peace can feel strange at first. That’s okay. Sit with it, enjoy the moment. 

5. Keep choosing the real you.

Flaws and all. Scars and all. That’s the version that will bring you peace. Once you’re truly honest with yourself, you can start being honest with everyone else. 

Being your authentic self won’t always feel easy.

It won’t always feel comfortable.

But it will feel true.

And the truth will set you free, even if it makes a mess first.

So if you’re tired of acting, take a breath.

Let the mask slip.

Let yourself be seen.

Be the real one.

And remember,

keep smiling

Benney the Coach

By Benney the Coach

It’s been a while, I know. And just like a bus, all my ideas came at once. I’ve missed you lot, so I decided to take a little break from writing my new book It’s Okay to Be a Boy and get back to basics, writing my blog.

Today I want to talk about something that’s been coming up quite a lot lately during coaching sessions, in conversations, and in real life, and that’s…

Being your authentic self – even when it’s inconvenient.

Now I’m not here to preach. I’m not perfect. I’m just a bloke who’s lived through a few storms and made a promise to himself to help others weather theirs. And if I’ve learned anything over the years, it’s that being yourself, truly yourself, isn’t as simple as it sounds.

Before I ever became a coach, I was wearing masks. Not just one, loads of them.

There was the funny one, the charming one, the “I’m fine” one, the one that kept the peace, the one that kept people happy, even if I wasn’t.

And here’s the thing: sometimes those masks serve a purpose.

They help you get through difficult situations. They protect you in moments when showing your real self doesn’t feel safe.

But the problem is, we forget to take them off.

We start living in them.

And over time, we lose track of who we actually are underneath.

That’s where I found myself.

Performing off-stage as much as on. Playing roles for people who didn’t even know the real me. Smiling when I wanted to cry. Agreeing when I wanted to scream.

And bit by bit, it wore me down.

That’s why I became a coach. Not because I had all the answers, but because I needed answers myself. I needed to figure out how to live in a way that felt honest. And once I started doing that, I wanted to help others do the same.

But I’m still human. I’ve still got flaws. I still mess up. The difference now? I’m willing to look at those flaws. To either accept them, or work on them.

Because here’s the truth I’ve come to believe:

We don’t need to be perfect.

We just need to be honest.

Honest with ourselves. Honest with how we’re feeling. Honest about what’s working and what’s not.

The world doesn’t need more perfect people, it needs more real ones.

And I believe that your true self, the one underneath the masks, underneath the coping, underneath the survival mode, is good.

It’s strong. It’s kind. It’s enough.

But survival mode? That’s where a lot of us live.

We’re in constant fight or flight. We brace for drama. We expect conflict.

We operate like we’re under threat, even when we’re just trying to have a conversation.

And that way of living? It burns us out. It poisons our relationships. And it keeps us disconnected from who we actually are.

Why is it so difficult?

Because being real means being seen. And being seen is vulnerable.

It’s no longer about how well you can act, it’s about how brave you can be when the script falls away.

But let’s get something clear while we’re at it, because this bit matters.

Being your authentic self isn’t about being rude.

It’s not about slapping on a label, choosing a tribe, and shutting everyone else out.

It’s not about belittling others, shouting your opinions louder than theirs, or expecting the world to accept everything about you while you refuse to accept anything about them.

That’s not authenticity, that’s ego in disguise.

Being your authentic self is about showing up honestly, yes, but with kindness, openness, and respect.

It’s about accepting that we’re not all the same, and celebrating those differences as long as they’re rooted in love, not harm.

If you think your “truth” gives you permission to tear people down, mock others, or live bitter and angry, then you’re not being honest with yourself. You’re defending a wound

Because hate, resentment, cruelty, none of that is who we truly are. That’s survival mode. That’s pain in a mask.

And the work… is learning to take that mask off too.

Underneath all that noise is someone good. Someone kind.

Someone who just wants to be seen, heard, and understood, like we all do.

Being your authentic self means giving yourself permission to grow.

To heal.

To change your mind.

To accept your flaws without making them your identity.

It means learning to live with a bit more heart.

To listen better.

To love deeper.

To speak honestly, but gently.

And to let others do the same.

That’s where real connection lives. That’s where peace begins.

Not in being “right”, but in being real.

And I promise you, that version of you?

That’s the one the world’s been waiting for

So what can you do?

1. Catch yourself in the act.

If you notice you’re performing, nodding along, faking a smile,or getting angry or anxious, just pause and Ask, “Is this me, or is this a mask?”

2. Start where you are.

You don’t need to strip everything away at once. One honest choice a day is enough to begin,

3. Let go of needing everyone to be okay with it.

Your truth isn’t up for debate. You don’t need permission to be real, it’s your choice. 

4. Remind yourself that discomfort doesn’t mean danger.

If you’ve lived in fight or flight, peace can feel strange at first. That’s okay. Sit with it, enjoy the moment. 

5. Keep choosing the real you.

Flaws and all. Scars and all. That’s the version that will bring you peace. Once you’re truly honest with yourself, you can start being honest with everyone else. 

Being your authentic self won’t always feel easy.

It won’t always feel comfortable.

But it will feel true.

And the truth will set you free, even if it makes a mess first.

So if you’re tired of acting, take a breath.

Let the mask slip.

Let yourself be seen.

Be the real one.

And remember,

keep smiling

Benney the Coach