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Being Your Authentic Self – Even When It’s Inconvenient

It’s been a while, I know. And just like a bus, all my ideas came at once. I’ve missed you lot, so I decided to take a little break from writing my new book It’s Okay to Be a Boy and get back to basics, writing my blog.

Today I want to talk about something that’s been coming up quite a lot lately during coaching sessions, in conversations, and in real life, and that’s…

Being your authentic self – even when it’s inconvenient.

Now I’m not here to preach. I’m not perfect. I’m just a bloke who’s lived through a few storms and made a promise to himself to help others weather theirs. And if I’ve learned anything over the years, it’s that being yourself, truly yourself, isn’t as simple as it sounds.

Before I ever became a coach, I was wearing masks. Not just one, loads of them.

There was the funny one, the charming one, the “I’m fine” one, the one that kept the peace, the one that kept people happy, even if I wasn’t.

And here’s the thing: sometimes those masks serve a purpose.

They help you get through difficult situations. They protect you in moments when showing your real self doesn’t feel safe.

But the problem is, we forget to take them off.

We start living in them.

And over time, we lose track of who we actually are underneath.

That’s where I found myself.

Performing off-stage as much as on. Playing roles for people who didn’t even know the real me. Smiling when I wanted to cry. Agreeing when I wanted to scream.

And bit by bit, it wore me down.

That’s why I became a coach. Not because I had all the answers, but because I needed answers myself. I needed to figure out how to live in a way that felt honest. And once I started doing that, I wanted to help others do the same.

But I’m still human. I’ve still got flaws. I still mess up. The difference now? I’m willing to look at those flaws. To either accept them, or work on them.

Because here’s the truth I’ve come to believe:

We don’t need to be perfect.

We just need to be honest.

Honest with ourselves. Honest with how we’re feeling. Honest about what’s working and what’s not.

The world doesn’t need more perfect people, it needs more real ones.

And I believe that your true self, the one underneath the masks, underneath the coping, underneath the survival mode, is good.

It’s strong. It’s kind. It’s enough.

But survival mode? That’s where a lot of us live.

We’re in constant fight or flight. We brace for drama. We expect conflict.

We operate like we’re under threat, even when we’re just trying to have a conversation.

And that way of living? It burns us out. It poisons our relationships. And it keeps us disconnected from who we actually are.

Why is it so difficult?

Because being real means being seen. And being seen is vulnerable.

It’s no longer about how well you can act, it’s about how brave you can be when the script falls away.

But let’s get something clear while we’re at it, because this bit matters.

Being your authentic self isn’t about being rude.

It’s not about slapping on a label, choosing a tribe, and shutting everyone else out.

It’s not about belittling others, shouting your opinions louder than theirs, or expecting the world to accept everything about you while you refuse to accept anything about them.

That’s not authenticity, that’s ego in disguise.

Being your authentic self is about showing up honestly, yes, but with kindness, openness, and respect.

It’s about accepting that we’re not all the same, and celebrating those differences as long as they’re rooted in love, not harm.

If you think your “truth” gives you permission to tear people down, mock others, or live bitter and angry, then you’re not being honest with yourself. You’re defending a wound

Because hate, resentment, cruelty, none of that is who we truly are. That’s survival mode. That’s pain in a mask.

And the work… is learning to take that mask off too.

Underneath all that noise is someone good. Someone kind.

Someone who just wants to be seen, heard, and understood, like we all do.

Being your authentic self means giving yourself permission to grow.

To heal.

To change your mind.

To accept your flaws without making them your identity.

It means learning to live with a bit more heart.

To listen better.

To love deeper.

To speak honestly, but gently.

And to let others do the same.

That’s where real connection lives. That’s where peace begins.

Not in being “right”, but in being real.

And I promise you, that version of you?

That’s the one the world’s been waiting for

So what can you do?

1. Catch yourself in the act.

If you notice you’re performing, nodding along, faking a smile,or getting angry or anxious, just pause and Ask, “Is this me, or is this a mask?”

2. Start where you are.

You don’t need to strip everything away at once. One honest choice a day is enough to begin,

3. Let go of needing everyone to be okay with it.

Your truth isn’t up for debate. You don’t need permission to be real, it’s your choice. 

4. Remind yourself that discomfort doesn’t mean danger.

If you’ve lived in fight or flight, peace can feel strange at first. That’s okay. Sit with it, enjoy the moment. 

5. Keep choosing the real you.

Flaws and all. Scars and all. That’s the version that will bring you peace. Once you’re truly honest with yourself, you can start being honest with everyone else. 

Being your authentic self won’t always feel easy.

It won’t always feel comfortable.

But it will feel true.

And the truth will set you free, even if it makes a mess first.

So if you’re tired of acting, take a breath.

Let the mask slip.

Let yourself be seen.

Be the real one.

And remember,

keep smiling

Benney the Coach

By Benney the Coach

It’s been a while, I know. And just like a bus, all my ideas came at once. I’ve missed you lot, so I decided to take a little break from writing my new book It’s Okay to Be a Boy and get back to basics, writing my blog.

Today I want to talk about something that’s been coming up quite a lot lately during coaching sessions, in conversations, and in real life, and that’s…

Being your authentic self – even when it’s inconvenient.

Now I’m not here to preach. I’m not perfect. I’m just a bloke who’s lived through a few storms and made a promise to himself to help others weather theirs. And if I’ve learned anything over the years, it’s that being yourself, truly yourself, isn’t as simple as it sounds.

Before I ever became a coach, I was wearing masks. Not just one, loads of them.

There was the funny one, the charming one, the “I’m fine” one, the one that kept the peace, the one that kept people happy, even if I wasn’t.

And here’s the thing: sometimes those masks serve a purpose.

They help you get through difficult situations. They protect you in moments when showing your real self doesn’t feel safe.

But the problem is, we forget to take them off.

We start living in them.

And over time, we lose track of who we actually are underneath.

That’s where I found myself.

Performing off-stage as much as on. Playing roles for people who didn’t even know the real me. Smiling when I wanted to cry. Agreeing when I wanted to scream.

And bit by bit, it wore me down.

That’s why I became a coach. Not because I had all the answers, but because I needed answers myself. I needed to figure out how to live in a way that felt honest. And once I started doing that, I wanted to help others do the same.

But I’m still human. I’ve still got flaws. I still mess up. The difference now? I’m willing to look at those flaws. To either accept them, or work on them.

Because here’s the truth I’ve come to believe:

We don’t need to be perfect.

We just need to be honest.

Honest with ourselves. Honest with how we’re feeling. Honest about what’s working and what’s not.

The world doesn’t need more perfect people, it needs more real ones.

And I believe that your true self, the one underneath the masks, underneath the coping, underneath the survival mode, is good.

It’s strong. It’s kind. It’s enough.

But survival mode? That’s where a lot of us live.

We’re in constant fight or flight. We brace for drama. We expect conflict.

We operate like we’re under threat, even when we’re just trying to have a conversation.

And that way of living? It burns us out. It poisons our relationships. And it keeps us disconnected from who we actually are.

Why is it so difficult?

Because being real means being seen. And being seen is vulnerable.

It’s no longer about how well you can act, it’s about how brave you can be when the script falls away.

But let’s get something clear while we’re at it, because this bit matters.

Being your authentic self isn’t about being rude.

It’s not about slapping on a label, choosing a tribe, and shutting everyone else out.

It’s not about belittling others, shouting your opinions louder than theirs, or expecting the world to accept everything about you while you refuse to accept anything about them.

That’s not authenticity, that’s ego in disguise.

Being your authentic self is about showing up honestly, yes, but with kindness, openness, and respect.

It’s about accepting that we’re not all the same, and celebrating those differences as long as they’re rooted in love, not harm.

If you think your “truth” gives you permission to tear people down, mock others, or live bitter and angry, then you’re not being honest with yourself. You’re defending a wound

Because hate, resentment, cruelty, none of that is who we truly are. That’s survival mode. That’s pain in a mask.

And the work… is learning to take that mask off too.

Underneath all that noise is someone good. Someone kind.

Someone who just wants to be seen, heard, and understood, like we all do.

Being your authentic self means giving yourself permission to grow.

To heal.

To change your mind.

To accept your flaws without making them your identity.

It means learning to live with a bit more heart.

To listen better.

To love deeper.

To speak honestly, but gently.

And to let others do the same.

That’s where real connection lives. That’s where peace begins.

Not in being “right”, but in being real.

And I promise you, that version of you?

That’s the one the world’s been waiting for

So what can you do?

1. Catch yourself in the act.

If you notice you’re performing, nodding along, faking a smile,or getting angry or anxious, just pause and Ask, “Is this me, or is this a mask?”

2. Start where you are.

You don’t need to strip everything away at once. One honest choice a day is enough to begin,

3. Let go of needing everyone to be okay with it.

Your truth isn’t up for debate. You don’t need permission to be real, it’s your choice. 

4. Remind yourself that discomfort doesn’t mean danger.

If you’ve lived in fight or flight, peace can feel strange at first. That’s okay. Sit with it, enjoy the moment. 

5. Keep choosing the real you.

Flaws and all. Scars and all. That’s the version that will bring you peace. Once you’re truly honest with yourself, you can start being honest with everyone else. 

Being your authentic self won’t always feel easy.

It won’t always feel comfortable.

But it will feel true.

And the truth will set you free, even if it makes a mess first.

So if you’re tired of acting, take a breath.

Let the mask slip.

Let yourself be seen.

Be the real one.

And remember,

keep smiling

Benney the Coach

Status

You’re Not Broken, You’re Becoming

Some days, it feels like the world’s cracked you in half and just left you there, holding the pieces, wondering what the hell you’re supposed to do now. You stare at your phone, avoid eye contact in the mirror, maybe even lose count of the coffees (or beers) you’ve poured just to make it through the hours.

But let me say this clearly: you’re not broken.

You’re becoming.

See, nobody gets through life without their fair share of bruises. Some people just get better at hiding them behind filters and nice quotes. The rest of us? We’re in the trenches, doing the work, messing up, getting back up, sometimes crawling more than walking.

And that’s okay.

Real growth doesn’t happen in perfect conditions. It happens when everything falls apart and you’re left with two options: crumble… or change. And change is scary. But it’s also sacred.

You don’t need to be fixed, because you were never broken in the first place. You were just buried under expectations, mistakes, trauma, fear, and everyone else’s idea of who you should be.

Start unlearning that crap.

Let go of the story that says you’re too damaged, too late, too lost. You’re not. You’re unfolding. You’re remembering who you really are underneath all the noise.

So, if today feels hard, keep going. If you’re crying in the shower, you’re not alone. If you’re laughing one minute and doubting yourself the next, welcome to the human club.

And trust me, you’re doing better than you think.

Let’s keep walking this thing together.

And remember… keep smiling.

Benney the Coach

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The Ripple Effect of Kindness

Kindness is a simple yet powerful act that can transform not only the lives of others but also our own. It’s a universal language that transcends borders and cultures, and it’s something we can all practice, no matter our background or circumstances. In a world often marked by division and conflict, kindness is the antidote that can bridge gaps and create a more harmonious and compassionate society.

The Beauty of Small Gestures

Kindness doesn’t always require grandiose acts. In fact, it’s often the small, everyday gestures that have the most significant impact. A smile, a kind word, or a helping hand can brighten someone’s day and create a ripple effect of positivity. These acts are not only simple to perform but also contagious, inspiring others to be kind as well.

Benefits for the Giver

Kindness isn’t a one-way street; it benefits the giver just as much as the receiver. When we extend kindness to others, it releases feel-good hormones like oxytocin and reduces stress. It boosts our mood and overall well-being. It reminds us of our shared humanity, fostering a sense of connection and belonging in an increasingly disconnected world.

A Chain Reaction

Kindness has the power to set off a chain reaction. When someone experiences an act of kindness, they are more likely to pass it on, creating a positive domino effect. This chain reaction can transcend boundaries, cultural differences, and social hierarchies. It reminds us that we are all part of the same human family.

Fostering Empathy

Kindness is not only about helping others; it’s also about understanding them. It requires us to step into another person’s shoes, to see the world from their perspective. This empathy is a vital building block for a more compassionate and harmonious society. It can lead to greater tolerance and acceptance of our differences.

Creating a Kinder World

In a world where we’re bombarded with negative news and divisive rhetoric, it’s easy to become disheartened. But kindness reminds us that there’s goodness in the world, too. Each act of kindness, no matter how small, contributes to a kinder, more compassionate world. It’s a collective effort, one that each of us can participate in.

Kindness isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s a manifestation of our inner strength and humanity. It has the power to heal wounds, build bridges, and transform lives. So, let’s make kindness a part of our daily lives. It doesn’t take much to be kind, but the impact it has is immeasurable. As the saying goes, “In a world where you can be anything, be kind.” By doing so, we contribute to a brighter, more harmonious world for all.

Benney the coach

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Influence.

Not everything we believe to be true is true and not everything we believe to be untrue is an untrue, it all depends on perspective.

What influences you?

Who influences you?

Who do you influence?

I ask these questions because it’s important for us to realise the influences in our lives and how they dictate how we live.

At a young age we learn much about life from our parents, our grandparents, family members, teachers, books, TV, film the list goes on, growing up we have had our lives influenced by many people and things even into our adult lives without even knowing it, we have taken on many of there values and beliefs about what is good and bad, right and wrong, true and false even real and fake and these beliefs and values even echo’s onto who we now influence.

As a coach, I talk with a lot of people that have trouble with living their lives because there belief systems clashes with how they live life and perceive it to be, leaving them unhappy, confused, torn, lost, alone and often depressed. My job is to help people understand that with adjustment to there values and beliefs through looking at why they believe the things they do and how they may not be true beliefs and they may not be serving them as they should be, we can then work together and find a clearer path that’s more rewarding mentally and spiritually for them, creating new values and beliefs along the way.

 

Every person is different and there is no one-way of changing a belief system to one that’s more relevant and truthful to the individual involved, its down to the individual them selves what they are willing to let go of and what they are open to learn that’s the biggest ask, because it can sometimes bring pain, loss, sorrow, doubt, regret and even fear before it brings strength, happiness, meaning, belonging, self value and love.

 

Changing our beliefs and values can change our lives in so many positive ways but its not easy, and having a coach supporting you, helping you, guiding you and most importantly believing in you throughout the bad as well as the good times, is an investment not only in your yourself but also in your future.

 

Geraint Rhys Benney D.P.S. Life and Spiritual Coach

 

If you have found this blog helpful please leave a comment or you may feel that working with a coach is something you may be interested in please get in touch.

 

grblifecoaching@gmail.com

 

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The Choice

I was asked recently how I keep such a stiff upper lip in times of stress and turmoil, and how I never seem sad or down anymore. Well the answer I gave wasn’t expected, or at least I don’t believe it was. You see, my answer was: I do still stress out at times, I do still feel sad and have bad days just like everyone else does – the only difference is that I don’t let them consume me or ruin my day. I make a conscious decision to stay positive and calm whenever I can. It’s not easy and it’s taken time for me to be able to control my actions and reactions to everyday misfortunes, but anyone can do the same with determination and a little self-belief. It’s all too easy to complain and feel sorry for ourselves, but it gets us nowhere. Life needn’t be a hindrance; life can be amazing if we truly want it to be, and we can live it on our terms.

If you feel you’re getting the sharp end of the stick and life is being a bitch, or if you’ve simply had a guts full of feeling low, why not get in contact? Together we can build a better tomorrow for all of us.

Geraint Rhys Benney Life Coach

Founder of Byw

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Nothing is unless we make it so.

We all have different needs, we all have different beliefs – in fact, I’d say we are all as different as can be, but are still the same in many ways. Who we are and how we live is a complicated issue. We all perceive life in various ways, as if living in different realities. Some of us find life’s journey difficult, some of us find it less so; it’s all down to perspective and perspectives can be changed. But whose perspective is right and whose is wrong? Well to be totally honest with you, I don’t believe there is a right or wrong way – we are all guessing. There is no big book of how to live our lives correctly, unless we take religious texts into consideration – but they are only the ideologies of a group of people who hold their own agenda and not a reliable ‘go to’ book. If there was a guide book in my mind, it would have a simple premise: be loving, be kind, be happy, be grateful, be confident and believe. We all know right from wrong, when we should and shouldn’t be doing something. I guess what I’m trying to say is, as humans, we have the ability to make choices in our lives, we can stay or we can go, we can say yes or no, we are not rooted to the spot. ‘Nothing is unless we make it so’ is a statement I truly believe in; it’s the fundamental principle of what I teach and how I live my life. I believe if we live a good, positive life then good things will come to us, and we learn to appreciate life for the beauty and opportunities it brings. Me and you, you and me, we can be who we want to be, and if we shoot our dreams a little too far out into the universe and we run out of time, at least we would have had an amazing journey along the way.

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You’re Worth the Effort 

When life feels like it’s hit rock bottom, the only way for us to go is back up. Don’t see it as a bad thing, think of all the good that can come also. Life is a game and we can play along randomly, hoping we are playing correctly. We can give up and hide away from it all and pretend it’s not happening, or we can take charge, reinvent ourselves and start living by our own rules. Life isn’t easy and it isn’t fair, but letting it grind us down is a sure way of losing touch with who we are and who we really could be. Mindful Attraction offers us the chance of getting the ball rolling in a journey of self-improvement, self-awareness and burning belief that anything is possible with the power of you. Seeing people improve or change their lives gives me the drive to carry on with what I first thought was just an idea, and by sharing this idea I have touched so many people – not only my friends and family and my class attendances, but people from all over the wold that follow my blog and social media. Sometimes it’s easy to forget why we started something, but it’s ok as long as you remember that you did start and that our journey will not always be steady. Learning along the way is the key to remembering. Never give up on yourself, you are worth the effort.

Geraint Rhys Benney

All Shook Up 

Standing up in front of people and talking terrifies me to my bones; my legs start shaking and my mouth turns into a stuttering mess – it’s a bit of a stumbling block for someone who spends most of the time doing that exact thing. As a performer, I have found tricks and methods that help me prepare myself for when I have to go out and perform as well as for my everyday life. Playing a character that mumbles and shakes his legs is an pure coincidence, and even though it’s helpful, it’s not a solution for nervousness. Before I have to step onto stage, my mind usually goes blank and I panic. Every word I have memorised for the previous few weeks decides to go for a fag break at the most inconvenient time, and leaves me all alone to walk out with just my smile and the hope that they return before I have to open my mouth. Don’t take what I’m saying as if I don’t enjoy what I do, because that’s so far from the truth it’s funny. I love what I do and I don’t know where else I’d get my fix of madness if I didn’t do it. You see, it’s me not knowing if the shit is going to hit the fan that fuels my adrenalin to perform to my best ability. When I go out there full of confidence thinking that I know everything, the probability of something going wrong is far higher than when I go out there expecting it to go wrong, and I like living on the edge. It’s good to have nerves, it’s good that we get nervous: it gets the blood pumping to the brain, it’s how we react to it that we’re going to talk about now. What is the real problem that stops us doing what we want to do? What is stopping us achieving our dreams and ambitions? What is it that keeps us away from being the best we can be? Why can’t we be like our heroes or idols? Well at this point I need you to pour yourself a drink and sit down, take a deep breath and relax, because I have some news that may be a bit of a shock to you. You haven’t achieved what you truly want – and I’m sorry to say this – because of you. It’s you stopping you moving to the next level. I’m not going to drone on about why you haven’t got what you want, I do in fact want to talk about how you get what you want. Self confidence and self awareness are two sides of the same coin – you can’t have one without the other. The day I stopped worrying about things going wrong was an eye opener to me. I was standing on stage halfway through the act when I went blank, I stood there looking at a hall full of people and I had two choices: take a deep breath and panic or take a deep breath and not panic. I chose not to panic. I improvised: I stood there and talked total rubbish for what felt like an hour – when in fact it was probably only a minute at the most – until what I was talking about came back to me. I figured that I wouldn’t be up there doing what I do if I didn’t know what it was I was doing, and that nobody will know if I go wrong if I don’t tell them. Besides, if they did notice I had to own that mistake and make it a part of what it was doing. Nobody is perfect, we all make mistakes, it’s all about perspective. How we see the situation playing out in our minds as we stand there is the most likely outcome of the situation. Having the courage or guts to get up and do something that terrifies you is a brave thing to do in itself. Getting up and owning it is something else. For years I held myself back from doing the real things I wanted to do because I was afraid of being seen as silly, worried about what others will think of me, but my biggest hurdle was me. I didn’t think I was good enough, I didn’t think I had anything to offer; who would want to listen to anything I have to say? Why would anyone pay money to come and see me perform? I’m in my early 40’s now and have missed out on a lot of time whilst being afraid, but what was I really afraid of? Was it my fear of failing or my fear of succeeding? I have learned to use my fear as a tool to drive my engine if things go wrong; I adapt, I smile and make it work for me. We can’t fail at something that isn’t determined, if we are writing the story of our lives then we can rewrite bad situations with happy endings, or at least an ending that favours a more suitable outcome for ourselves. We make things good or bad with how we react to them and it’s this simple statement that can change anything in our lives. Through the power of positive thought followed by positive action, we can live incredible lives. Nothing is good or bad unless we make it so.