byw

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Influence.

Not everything we believe to be true is true and not everything we believe to be untrue is an untrue, it all depends on perspective.

What influences you?

Who influences you?

Who do you influence?

I ask these questions because it’s important for us to realise the influences in our lives and how they dictate how we live.

At a young age we learn much about life from our parents, our grandparents, family members, teachers, books, TV, film the list goes on, growing up we have had our lives influenced by many people and things even into our adult lives without even knowing it, we have taken on many of there values and beliefs about what is good and bad, right and wrong, true and false even real and fake and these beliefs and values even echo’s onto who we now influence.

As a coach, I talk with a lot of people that have trouble with living their lives because there belief systems clashes with how they live life and perceive it to be, leaving them unhappy, confused, torn, lost, alone and often depressed. My job is to help people understand that with adjustment to there values and beliefs through looking at why they believe the things they do and how they may not be true beliefs and they may not be serving them as they should be, we can then work together and find a clearer path that’s more rewarding mentally and spiritually for them, creating new values and beliefs along the way.

 

Every person is different and there is no one-way of changing a belief system to one that’s more relevant and truthful to the individual involved, its down to the individual them selves what they are willing to let go of and what they are open to learn that’s the biggest ask, because it can sometimes bring pain, loss, sorrow, doubt, regret and even fear before it brings strength, happiness, meaning, belonging, self value and love.

 

Changing our beliefs and values can change our lives in so many positive ways but its not easy, and having a coach supporting you, helping you, guiding you and most importantly believing in you throughout the bad as well as the good times, is an investment not only in your yourself but also in your future.

 

Geraint Rhys Benney D.P.S. Life and Spiritual Coach

 

If you have found this blog helpful please leave a comment or you may feel that working with a coach is something you may be interested in please get in touch.

 

grblifecoaching@gmail.com

 

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The Choice

I was asked recently how I keep such a stiff upper lip in times of stress and turmoil, and how I never seem sad or down anymore. Well the answer I gave wasn’t expected, or at least I don’t believe it was. You see, my answer was: I do still stress out at times, I do still feel sad and have bad days just like everyone else does – the only difference is that I don’t let them consume me or ruin my day. I make a conscious decision to stay positive and calm whenever I can. It’s not easy and it’s taken time for me to be able to control my actions and reactions to everyday misfortunes, but anyone can do the same with determination and a little self-belief. It’s all too easy to complain and feel sorry for ourselves, but it gets us nowhere. Life needn’t be a hindrance; life can be amazing if we truly want it to be, and we can live it on our terms.

If you feel you’re getting the sharp end of the stick and life is being a bitch, or if you’ve simply had a guts full of feeling low, why not get in contact? Together we can build a better tomorrow for all of us.

Geraint Rhys Benney Life Coach

Founder of Byw

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Nothing is unless we make it so.

We all have different needs, we all have different beliefs – in fact, I’d say we are all as different as can be, but are still the same in many ways. Who we are and how we live is a complicated issue. We all perceive life in various ways, as if living in different realities. Some of us find life’s journey difficult, some of us find it less so; it’s all down to perspective and perspectives can be changed. But whose perspective is right and whose is wrong? Well to be totally honest with you, I don’t believe there is a right or wrong way – we are all guessing. There is no big book of how to live our lives correctly, unless we take religious texts into consideration – but they are only the ideologies of a group of people who hold their own agenda and not a reliable ‘go to’ book. If there was a guide book in my mind, it would have a simple premise: be loving, be kind, be happy, be grateful, be confident and believe. We all know right from wrong, when we should and shouldn’t be doing something. I guess what I’m trying to say is, as humans, we have the ability to make choices in our lives, we can stay or we can go, we can say yes or no, we are not rooted to the spot. ‘Nothing is unless we make it so’ is a statement I truly believe in; it’s the fundamental principle of what I teach and how I live my life. I believe if we live a good, positive life then good things will come to us, and we learn to appreciate life for the beauty and opportunities it brings. Me and you, you and me, we can be who we want to be, and if we shoot our dreams a little too far out into the universe and we run out of time, at least we would have had an amazing journey along the way.

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You’re Worth the Effort 

When life feels like it’s hit rock bottom, the only way for us to go is back up. Don’t see it as a bad thing, think of all the good that can come also. Life is a game and we can play along randomly, hoping we are playing correctly. We can give up and hide away from it all and pretend it’s not happening, or we can take charge, reinvent ourselves and start living by our own rules. Life isn’t easy and it isn’t fair, but letting it grind us down is a sure way of losing touch with who we are and who we really could be. Mindful Attraction offers us the chance of getting the ball rolling in a journey of self-improvement, self-awareness and burning belief that anything is possible with the power of you. Seeing people improve or change their lives gives me the drive to carry on with what I first thought was just an idea, and by sharing this idea I have touched so many people – not only my friends and family and my class attendances, but people from all over the wold that follow my blog and social media. Sometimes it’s easy to forget why we started something, but it’s ok as long as you remember that you did start and that our journey will not always be steady. Learning along the way is the key to remembering. Never give up on yourself, you are worth the effort.

Geraint Rhys Benney

Start with Hope

With all the current sadness in the world it’s hard to keep a positive mindset, it’s hard to be happy when all around us we see sorrow and anger from the barbaric events that seem to be occurring far too regularly. But, it’s at times like this we need hope: if we give in to hate then we have already lost. Fighting violence with violence only brings more violence. How can this be good for anyone? Don’t get me wrong, I’m no pacifist, if I need to fight to defend myself I’m more than capable of doing so, but I am also a humanist and I believe that all life is sacred – every human, every animal, every insect, every plant, every fish, every living microbe that lives on planet earth deserves its chance of living a full life. We are all connected, it’s a fact, we need one another to survive. I’m human; I get angry, I have said and done things I regret but I have learned to forgive not only other people, but myself for being unreasonable or pigheaded. Admitting we are wrong or ill-informed isn’t a show of weakness, it’s a show of strength; it shows we have the ability to adapt and become a better person. I’m not perfect and I realise nobody else is, and we all need to wake up to that fact we all make mistakes. It’s how we react or don’t react to the situations that define who we eventually become. There are bad people in this world who simply want us to be like them and live with hate and anger, but we have a choice, we get to choose our paths in life, although so many of us get lost, misguided: we end up following someone else’s path. Life isn’t easy but there is hope. We need a revolution on this planet. Not one of guns and bombs, but one of minds, and it begins with you and me. We don’t have to have great knowledge to know right from wrong or good from bad, they are simply concepts. The teachings of mindfulness in education instead of religious divide can free us of the biased misunderstanding of all mankind. Being mindful of ourselves will give us a better insight of someone else’s struggles. By us being more mindful of who we are, we get greater understanding of the struggles of life and it gives us the tools to deal with them in a more understanding ways. I’m not saying we can change the world with mindfulness, but we can change how we deal with what’s happening to it. We live in a world of distractions, a world full of confusion, and we have no time to do small things that won’t make any difference; besides, what can one person do? Well my friends, I have something to say; we all have a responsibility, not only to ourselves but also to the people around us, to make the world we live in a happy one. We have all heard of a Mexican wave yes? Well look at it this way – in a stadium full of a hundred thousand people, one person’s idea can unite every single person in there to follow a simple action, and when shown how easy it is to achieve it can become unstoppable. Well until your arms get tired anyway, but you get my drift. We all pass the buck, we all ask what we can do? Well we can all make a difference if we really want to. We can all make great changes together, we can transform not only our lives but the whole planet. We can all do this, it’s in all of our capabilities, it all comes down to choice. Make a difference or don’t make a difference, take responsibility or don’t take responsibility. I choose to at least try and I ask of you to do the same; together we can achieve great things. I want a world where my children and grandchildren and my great-grandchildren can grow up with hope in a world of understanding a world of harmony a world of unity. Thinking we can’t won’t get us there, thinking we can, can. Rome wasn’t built in a day or so they say, and starting a world wide consciousness revolution won’t happen quickly either, but we have to at least start something before we can achieve anything. Let’s start with hope.

All Shook Up 

Standing up in front of people and talking terrifies me to my bones; my legs start shaking and my mouth turns into a stuttering mess – it’s a bit of a stumbling block for someone who spends most of the time doing that exact thing. As a performer, I have found tricks and methods that help me prepare myself for when I have to go out and perform as well as for my everyday life. Playing a character that mumbles and shakes his legs is an pure coincidence, and even though it’s helpful, it’s not a solution for nervousness. Before I have to step onto stage, my mind usually goes blank and I panic. Every word I have memorised for the previous few weeks decides to go for a fag break at the most inconvenient time, and leaves me all alone to walk out with just my smile and the hope that they return before I have to open my mouth. Don’t take what I’m saying as if I don’t enjoy what I do, because that’s so far from the truth it’s funny. I love what I do and I don’t know where else I’d get my fix of madness if I didn’t do it. You see, it’s me not knowing if the shit is going to hit the fan that fuels my adrenalin to perform to my best ability. When I go out there full of confidence thinking that I know everything, the probability of something going wrong is far higher than when I go out there expecting it to go wrong, and I like living on the edge. It’s good to have nerves, it’s good that we get nervous: it gets the blood pumping to the brain, it’s how we react to it that we’re going to talk about now. What is the real problem that stops us doing what we want to do? What is stopping us achieving our dreams and ambitions? What is it that keeps us away from being the best we can be? Why can’t we be like our heroes or idols? Well at this point I need you to pour yourself a drink and sit down, take a deep breath and relax, because I have some news that may be a bit of a shock to you. You haven’t achieved what you truly want – and I’m sorry to say this – because of you. It’s you stopping you moving to the next level. I’m not going to drone on about why you haven’t got what you want, I do in fact want to talk about how you get what you want. Self confidence and self awareness are two sides of the same coin – you can’t have one without the other. The day I stopped worrying about things going wrong was an eye opener to me. I was standing on stage halfway through the act when I went blank, I stood there looking at a hall full of people and I had two choices: take a deep breath and panic or take a deep breath and not panic. I chose not to panic. I improvised: I stood there and talked total rubbish for what felt like an hour – when in fact it was probably only a minute at the most – until what I was talking about came back to me. I figured that I wouldn’t be up there doing what I do if I didn’t know what it was I was doing, and that nobody will know if I go wrong if I don’t tell them. Besides, if they did notice I had to own that mistake and make it a part of what it was doing. Nobody is perfect, we all make mistakes, it’s all about perspective. How we see the situation playing out in our minds as we stand there is the most likely outcome of the situation. Having the courage or guts to get up and do something that terrifies you is a brave thing to do in itself. Getting up and owning it is something else. For years I held myself back from doing the real things I wanted to do because I was afraid of being seen as silly, worried about what others will think of me, but my biggest hurdle was me. I didn’t think I was good enough, I didn’t think I had anything to offer; who would want to listen to anything I have to say? Why would anyone pay money to come and see me perform? I’m in my early 40’s now and have missed out on a lot of time whilst being afraid, but what was I really afraid of? Was it my fear of failing or my fear of succeeding? I have learned to use my fear as a tool to drive my engine if things go wrong; I adapt, I smile and make it work for me. We can’t fail at something that isn’t determined, if we are writing the story of our lives then we can rewrite bad situations with happy endings, or at least an ending that favours a more suitable outcome for ourselves. We make things good or bad with how we react to them and it’s this simple statement that can change anything in our lives. Through the power of positive thought followed by positive action, we can live incredible lives. Nothing is good or bad unless we make it so.

And Relax

And Relax
Over the last few weeks I have had a few people asking me about meditation – or their lack of – and what they may be doing wrong: “Can you help?” Well for a start I feel their pain; it took me years to figure out that meditation can be something we think too much about whilst concentrating on not thinking at all, making it seemingly impossible to master. How do we knock our minds off?

We can’t. Our minds as long as we are alive will always be active, and it’s not knocking them off that’s the key, its learning to calm it, learning to live in harmony with your conscious and subconscious mind at the same time. Stop trying to mediate and you’re half way there. I know that’s a bit of a head scratcher, but it’s the best answer I can give. We all have the ability to overthink, especially when we are trying not to do that exact thing. Ok, ok, I know that’s not helping at all, so I’m going to give you a technique that I find helpful. This technique is one that I use everyday and I call it the ‘two minute wonder’, whenever I need a quick fix I find myself somewhere to sit and I close my eyes. I take a deep breath and start counting from 1 – 120. Give it a go. Find somewhere comfy to relax, and when you are ready, take a big deep breath, hold it for a few seconds and start counting the moment you exhale, keeping your breathing steady and fluid throughout. Repeat the action until you reach 120 – if you feel like going past 120 breaths then please do so: the more you feel you can do, the better. I know this sounds too easy and yes, it is when you get the hang of it. After a while you will find that you can do it almost anywhere; it’s one of the most effective methods of being in the now and ideal for getting you on the road to enlightenment.
There are many guided meditation videos on YouTube – it can be a little bit overwhelming, but if you are seriously considering meditation then it’s worth sifting through the never-ending list of clips. Try using key words that highlight what you are looking for in a session to narrow down your search, such as “short meditation” or “meditation for beginners”. There is a meditation video that covers every subject or situation under the sun,,so check out the comments to see what feedback they have regarding effectiveness. I feel that there is no right or wrong way of meditating, it’s a personal journey of growth and self-awareness, and the key to it all is not trying when your gut instinct is to try.

Realisation 

I know I can go on a bit, going over and over the same thing again sounding like a broken record but I have no apologies; you see what I have to say sometimes doesn’t come across very clearly, and this is something I’m working on to improve. The message is somewhat clear, but the way or ways of achieving the overall outcome is not so clear, and I realise now that what help am if all I’m doing is giving a lecture on what not to do? Wanting to help people and actually helping can be worlds apart. We all have good intentions and when we see people we love – or even just know – in any kind of pain or distress, our instincts automatically want to rush in and help, giving support and empathy regarding their current issue or predicament. It’s hard not to even if it’s a recurring event. But there is one thing I’d let slip my mind, and that is how I hated being told what not to do as much as being told what to do. Helping or offering advice or guidance to anyone has to come from the person seeking change and not from the person offering direction. What’s right for me may not be right for someone else, and if it is helpful it’s only my place to give options and tools for them to use at their own pace. I believe truly that we can change the way we live our lives and that our true potential as human beings are endless – if we are willing to open our minds and hearts to the powers of consciousness and the connections we have with the universe and each other.